Safe Soulmates Guidelines

• Act in a kind and respectful way to all other members and staff;
• Understand that building friendships and relationships can take time;
• Understand that friendships and relationships have boundaries and those boundaries should be respected;
• Understand that if you have strong feelings for someone, the other person might not feel the same;
• Understand that in friendships and relationships, no means no;
• Pay for your own activities/food/drink yourself.  You do not need to buy things for other members;
• Attend Dhiverse workshops on sex, friendships, relationships, boundaries and online safety (and any other workshops run by Dhiverse’s ABC programme) should Safe Soulmates think it appropriate;
• Talk to Christine or Vicky at Safe Soulmates if you have any questions;
• Agree that Safe Soulmates is not a support service, we hold no responsibility for members, they must come with support if required. Safe Soulmates staff, volunteers and students cannot supervise at all times.

• Every member of Safe Soulmates has been interviewed in person and has had two references checked and verified. This is to confirm they are a suitable person to join the organisation;
• We advise that you do not give other people your social media details when you first meet, unless your family or support knows you are doing this. It can be very difficult to stop people communicating once they have this and they may, for example, constantly message you. Safe Soulmates can support you to stay in contact, you will not miss out;
• All one-to-one meetings are chaperoned initially (a chaperone is someone who is not with you just in the nearby area, who you can speak to at anytime if needed);
• If you do meet someone special, you never have to kiss, cuddle, touch someone or let them touch you unless you are sure you are ready. Safe Soulmates will support you to get advice around this;
• If anyone contacts you online and says they are a member of Safe Soulmates, please pass this onto us.  If they are a member and you would like to meet we can arrange this for you in a safe way.  Do not make friends with anyone you have not met in person.

• Always tell a support worker, friend or family member where you are going and what you are doing.  If it is Safe Soulmates event or one-to-one meeting they can contact us to confirm any arrangements;

• Always arrange to meet people in public places;
• Do not give personal information to other members like your address, work address, family details when you first meet;
• Do not give other people access to your passport, bank details, money, pin numbers or bills. These are yours and no one else’s;
• If anyone does anything you feel is not safe or appropriate, please talk to a trusted adult, if it is serious contact the police;
• If you have a mobile phone, make sure it is charged up and you have credit. Remember in an emergency 999 is free but don’t use this service unless it is an emergency;
• Remember alcohol and drugs can make you do things you do not want to do. They can put you at risk and make you vulnerable. If someone tries to get you to take drugs or to drink too much, tell the police or someone you can trust; 
• Always watch your drink, never leave your drink unattended in case someone tries to put drugs into it;
• We suggest only paying or your own things. If someone is asking you to always pay, please talk to a trusted adult or the police.

We use the internet for many different things, so not every part of this guidance will be relevant to you.  The internet is a wonderful thing and helps us in lots of areas of our life, but sadly there is a very dangerous side to it, we must be aware of this.

• There are many scams around, things such as people pretending to be from companies, people who will pretend to be your friend or romantic partner. This will be to steal your money, personal information or make you do things you do not want to do, that are unsuitable or unsafe.  Talk to a trusted adult if you are not sure about something or someone.  If you think someone is trying to scam you or you have been scammed, you can report it to Action Fraud (0300 123 2040). Never listen if someone tells you to keep it secret or threatens you.  There will be people who can help you;
• Anything you share, say or do online does not disappear, so think about what you say or do first. Would you want your family to see it or your boss?  If someone asks you to send pictures of yourself (for example in your underwear or naked), you may agree but just think where those photos could end up? What happens if you fall out? These photos could be shared over the internet, to people you know or even used to bribe you to scare you into doing things you do not want to do or that are unsafe. Real friends or romantic partners will always respect your decisions and never keep asking you do things that you do not want to do. Please tell a trusted adult and they can support you;
• Cyberbulling is when someone online, strangers or people you know, say or do things that make you feel bad. This is very wrong, you may need to tell the other person what they have said has upset you and if it does not stop, there are ways that you can block them (which means they cannot contact you). If they do say unkind things, take a picture or a screenshot, so you have evidence or ask a trusted adult to do this;
• Remember, if there is anything on the internet that worries you or makes you feel bad, you must always tell a trusted adult, block someone, take evidence. Sadly there are people out there that will deliberately make you believe you have done things wrong, this is to steal from you or bribe you into doing things you do not want to.  You may need some support but always tell someone you trust, as the scammers are in the wrong, not you, whatever you have done, said or seen. You will probably find out you have been deliberately tricked into it.

Please refer to the National Cyber Security Centre website, which will advise you on what to do to keep yourself safe online. There is advice on common cyber problems, such as:

• What do when you have been hacked;
• What to do if your username and password has been stolen;
• What to do if you recieve a suspicious email.